shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
