Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
