If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
