I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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