I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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