My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
