he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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