Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
