Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
