It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
