Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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