I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
