I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize