U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize