remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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