Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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