You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
