this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
