i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
