Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
