Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
