He is such a slut. More and more my type.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
