Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
