well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
