She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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