Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
