Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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