I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
