I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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