I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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