I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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