this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
