ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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