these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
