while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
