I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
