I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
