We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
