??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
