just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
