I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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