She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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