He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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