When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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