Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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