pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
