whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
