When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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