Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
