I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
