Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
