Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
