even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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