So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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