you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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