did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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