Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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