I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
