I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
