I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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