Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
