I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
