Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
