I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
COCAINE IS GR8
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
