I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
