yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
