no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
