maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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