also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
