I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
