Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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